If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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