I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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