I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
