Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
