he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
