They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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