I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
