I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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