I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
