went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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