So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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