I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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