i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
