Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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