when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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