if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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