my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
