I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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