I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize