There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
did you just send me my own nude
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
