I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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