So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
