mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize