If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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