I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
