I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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