it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
