I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
