i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize