I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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