is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
