You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
