Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
