I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
