Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
