We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
