Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
