Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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