Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize