i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
