you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
