so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
