took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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