let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
