It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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