You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Im part way to drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
