I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
