I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
