Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
