Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
