Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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