super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
