Plan B is the new Plan A
Four minutes until I can fart!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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