My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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