so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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