I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
