Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Randomize
