It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
