Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
