So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
