things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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