are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
