how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
