I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
