I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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