I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What drink are we having for lunch?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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