Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
